TOWER: "XYZ123 (Shorts 330, Female pilot) clear to land 34"
XYZ123:"roger,clear to land"
TOWER:"ABC987 (budgie visual approach) report final number 2 to a Shorts 330"
ABC987:"OK when the Lady's got her shorts down we'll slide in behind"
Heard a number of years ago in YVR terminal airspace
ATC: AirChina flight XXX. Cleared for the the Treel 2 arrival ( The usual arrival from the orient )
XXX: Roger cleared for Treel 2 arrival , then inexplicably reads the entire contents of the STAR over the air. This takes more than 3 minutes. When he finishes there is stunned silence on the Freq , then;
Canadian XXX I'll take the same with cheese please !!!
ABC: Tower, be advised there is a flock of Guinea fowl on the runway at the intersection.
ATC: Roger, we will send out the firetruck.
ABC: No, they are not on fire, they are just there!
ATC: Previous reports a dead dog on taxiway charlie, advises bear left.
XYZ: Roger we see the dead dog, looking for the bear.
Tower - Be advised dead sheep nwxt the runway
A/C - Roger, will advise our catering
ATC: "ABC 123, have you captured the localiser?"
A/C: "Negative.....but we have it surrounded!"
Toronto ground Millardair 123, for push.
Ahh..Millardair 123, say aircraft type.
Ground 123, Beech one eight
From a very lost very new PPL, somewhere in the hell that is the airspace around Los Angeles.
PPL: Uh I need a little help as I am not sure of my position
ATC: Roger Set XXXX on your transponder
PPL: OK
---long pause--
ATC: I don't see you in any of my sectors, where was the last place you were sure of your position?
PPL: Holding short runway 34
Speedbird 147 working Jeddah Control.
"Speedbird 147, you are cleared to Bahrain Inshaalah, call for descent."
"Ummmmmmmm"
"Speedbird 147, you are cleared to Bahrain Inshaalah, call for descent."
"Ummmmmm, Speedbird 147, our destination is Bahrain International????"
German controller at LGW:
"Delta 123 I cleared you to G1 you've gone past that and are now at J3"(cue frustrated German accent)
reply-"Gee m'aam, was I married to you once ??"
Some years ago at Gatwick several aircraft have started but, for whatever reason, there is a delay in issuing any taxy clearances. Eventually a Luftie is given taxy, before the pilot can acknowledge a very clipped British accent is heard proclaiming that BA*** had started first and demanding to know why they had'nt been given clearance first. This time before the Controller can reply the Luftie Capt. says " because ve ver up very early zis morning und put our towels on zer runway first!"
LGW Twr: "Jetset ***, Tower"
Jetset FO: "Go ahead"
LGW: "What's the wind like up there?"
Jetset FO: "Just fine thanks"
ATCO "XYZ123 cleared FL300 and report to London on 123.34"
A/C "Climb FL300 and call 123.34, that was quick"
ATCO "always is..."
A/C "oh, poor girl, give her my number"
Buona domenica.
XYZ123:"roger,clear to land"
TOWER:"ABC987 (budgie visual approach) report final number 2 to a Shorts 330"
ABC987:"OK when the Lady's got her shorts down we'll slide in behind"
Heard a number of years ago in YVR terminal airspace
ATC: AirChina flight XXX. Cleared for the the Treel 2 arrival ( The usual arrival from the orient )
XXX: Roger cleared for Treel 2 arrival , then inexplicably reads the entire contents of the STAR over the air. This takes more than 3 minutes. When he finishes there is stunned silence on the Freq , then;
Canadian XXX I'll take the same with cheese please !!!
ABC: Tower, be advised there is a flock of Guinea fowl on the runway at the intersection.
ATC: Roger, we will send out the firetruck.
ABC: No, they are not on fire, they are just there!
ATC: Previous reports a dead dog on taxiway charlie, advises bear left.
XYZ: Roger we see the dead dog, looking for the bear.
Tower - Be advised dead sheep nwxt the runway
A/C - Roger, will advise our catering
ATC: "ABC 123, have you captured the localiser?"
A/C: "Negative.....but we have it surrounded!"
Toronto ground Millardair 123, for push.
Ahh..Millardair 123, say aircraft type.
Ground 123, Beech one eight
From a very lost very new PPL, somewhere in the hell that is the airspace around Los Angeles.
PPL: Uh I need a little help as I am not sure of my position
ATC: Roger Set XXXX on your transponder
PPL: OK
---long pause--
ATC: I don't see you in any of my sectors, where was the last place you were sure of your position?
PPL: Holding short runway 34
Speedbird 147 working Jeddah Control.
"Speedbird 147, you are cleared to Bahrain Inshaalah, call for descent."
"Ummmmmmmm"
"Speedbird 147, you are cleared to Bahrain Inshaalah, call for descent."
"Ummmmmm, Speedbird 147, our destination is Bahrain International????"
German controller at LGW:
"Delta 123 I cleared you to G1 you've gone past that and are now at J3"(cue frustrated German accent)
reply-"Gee m'aam, was I married to you once ??"
Some years ago at Gatwick several aircraft have started but, for whatever reason, there is a delay in issuing any taxy clearances. Eventually a Luftie is given taxy, before the pilot can acknowledge a very clipped British accent is heard proclaiming that BA*** had started first and demanding to know why they had'nt been given clearance first. This time before the Controller can reply the Luftie Capt. says " because ve ver up very early zis morning und put our towels on zer runway first!"
LGW Twr: "Jetset ***, Tower"
Jetset FO: "Go ahead"
LGW: "What's the wind like up there?"
Jetset FO: "Just fine thanks"
ATCO "XYZ123 cleared FL300 and report to London on 123.34"
A/C "Climb FL300 and call 123.34, that was quick"
ATCO "always is..."
A/C "oh, poor girl, give her my number"
Buona domenica.
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